


solve them in our dreams

by lotts (LottieAnna)



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Oral Sex, auston matthews' staunch refusal to ever talk about his feelings or show any sort of vulnerability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-17
Updated: 2020-02-17
Packaged: 2021-02-26 12:28:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22770163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LottieAnna/pseuds/lotts
Summary: Over the last couple of weeks, Auston’s hooked up with Mitch four times, and, as far as Auston can tell, Mitch still hasn’t managed to pick up on the fact that Auston doesn’t actually know what he’s doing.
Relationships: Mitch Marner/Auston Matthews
Comments: 26
Kudos: 256





	solve them in our dreams

**Author's Note:**

> IF YOU FOUND THIS THROUGH GOOGLING, KNOW ANYONE MENTIONED IN THIS STORY PERSONALLY, OR ARE MENTIONED YOURSELF: please, please click away. This is a work of fiction and nothing written in this story is true. Any accurate information used in this story is publicly available information about public figures, the rest is a 100% made-up story that happens to borrow their names and faces.
> 
> title from 'defenceless' by louis tomlinson.

Auston’s hand is halfway down Mitch’s pants when he remembers that he’s not supposed to be doing this.

“Uh,” he says, effectively killing the momentum.

Mitch gives him a look, vaguely frustrated, still a little messed up from the making out they’d been doing before. “What?”

“I can’t,” Auston says. He gestures to his wrist. “This thing.”

“Can’t you take it off?” Mitch asks.

“Well, yeah, but I’m still not supposed to—” he wriggles his good wrist to demonstrate. “I shouldn’t strain it.”

“Oh,” Mitch says. “Alright. Is there… other stuff we can do, then?”

Auston shifts his weight from one foot to the other. “What sort of other stuff?”

“I mean, I don’t know what you can do? It’s your injury.”

“Okay, but, like.” Auston feels his face heat up, because of the whole thing where he doesn’t actually know what he’s doing in bed, and doesn’t like talking or thinking about it.

It’s not like he hasn’t had sex before, alright? He’s had plenty of sex with women, and he’s messed around with other guys. But the thing is, he’s messed around with straight guys, as a straight guy, which means it’s all been hand stuff— jerking off together with no eye contact, jerking off each other with minimal touching, often with no kissing, very rarely with any nudity. You know, the cliché image that everyone has in their head when they think of sexually confused and lowkey (highkey) repressed guys. 

But Mitch isn’t like that. He’s casually, proudly bisexual, a fact he’s apparently so comfortable with that he didn’t even mention it until a few months back. Over the last couple of weeks, Auston’s hooked up with him four times, and Mitch still hasn’t managed to pick up on the fact that Auston doesn’t actually know what he’s doing. 

“I mean, if your wrist is just out of commission, I could just, yknow.” Mitch grabs at Auston’s belt. “Do you.”

Auston is tempted to say yes, both because he wants this conversation to end, and because he knows, logically, that getting off is the point of this. But at the same time, he’s— it’s probably embarrassing, actually, but he’s sort of… 

He’s maybe a little. Obsessed with making Mitch cum. It’s the best part of the whole thing for him, and he’s sort of into the idea of making that happen.

He shrugs.

“Or, like— we could try something else,” Mitch says, dropping his hand. “You could… I dunno, use your mouth instead of your hand.”

And okay, yeah, Auston had been thinking that, but, like. 

He hasn’t, before. 

And he’s pretty sure that if he tries to do it, Mitch will notice that he has no clue what he’s doing, and then Auston will have to admit that he’s never actually done the gay sex thing in a gay way, and that might mean having to talk about things, which. 

Ew.

“I mean,” Auston says, “are you into that?”

“Getting my dick sucked?”

“Yeah.”

Mitch shrugs. “Isn’t everybody?”

“I guess,” Auston says.

There’s a beat where Auston should probably say something, but when he doesn’t, Mitch asks, “So, like, do you not want to, or what?”

“I mean,” Auston says. “It’s not that I don’t want to.”

Another beat.

“But?” Mitch prompts.

Auston’s face is on fire. “It’s just,” he says. He chews on the inside of his cheek. “I’ve never.”

“You’ve never… gone down on someone before?”

Technically, Auston’s gone down on people before, but, like, he’s not gonna explain his sexual history to Mitch right now. He doesn’t really like thinking about it that much. 

“Not really,” he says.

Ugh, this is it— Mitch is gonna get weird and do that pity thing that Auston hates and Auston’s gonna have to hear that  _ it’s okay to wait  _ and  _ everyone gets there at their own pace—  _ which, like, they’re both true statements in general, but Auston is annoyed that he spent so much time having shitty repressed sex with straight guys instead of learning how to suck dick or getting in touch with himyself. He’s allowed to have that regret. The idea of reassurance makes him feel itchy. 

“Okay, well… do you wanna?”

And— right. Thank fucking god for Mitch Marner, and his weird superpower for reading the subtext and figuring out when Auston doesn’t want to talk about things. 

(Which is pretty much never, but most people push a little anyway. Not Mitch, though.) 

“Sure,” he says.

“Sweet,” Mitch says, and then he’s pulling Auston in for a kiss so that they can continue to make out.

Auston will probably never admit this in a million years, but he’s pretty sure kissing Mitch is the best thing his mouth has ever done. Mitch is a good fucking kisser— he’s eager and confident, and the way he grabs at Auston’s shirt or hair or skin is super fucking hot. Auston’s had entire orgasms that felt less sexy than one minute of making out with Mitch. That’s how good he is.

So, like, Auston gets kinda hard, kinda fast. Because Mitch tends to have that effect on him, right? And that draws his attention to his dick, and then to Mitch’s, and then he’s using his good hand to palm Mitch through the fabric of his pants, and— yeah, okay, he’s hard too. 

Auston’s weirdly relieved. Maybe, on some level, he’d been worried that his own inexperience would be a turnoff? But obviously that doesn’t make sense, and he’s just being paranoid and insecure, or whatever. He doesn’t have time to be mad at himself right now, though, because he’s too focused on the fact that he’s gonna suck Mitch’s dick. 

He drops to his knees without much buildup. What’s he gonna do, tenderly undress Mitch like he’s in a romance novel, or something? He’s not about to make sweet sweet love to the guy. This is a blowjob between adults, no need to make it into a big thing just because it’s his first one.

“Whoa,” Mitch says. 

Auston doesn’t say anything, just begins to undo Mitch’s belt. 

A weird thing about Auston: he’s probably touched more dicks than he’s seen. 

Well. Hard dicks. He’s been in locker rooms and shared showers before, he’s seen plenty of dicks, but obviously, that’s not the same as the dick of someone you’re going to have sex with. And Auston definitely hasn’t seen the same person’s dick more than once, because that would be too much like intimacy. So, like— it occurs to him that this is his fifth time seeing and touching this particular dick, and that feels… relevant, if not substantial. Worth noting in his head. This thing with Mitch isn’t much, but it’s a lot more than what Auston’s had before, and that’s— it’s kinda nice to think about, maybe.

He uses his good hand to grab Mitch’s dick, then puts his mouth on it.

And… it tastes like dick. 

It tastes the way feet smell, mixed with sweat and skin. It’s not bad, but it’s not exactly the best thing he’s ever tasted, and the fact that it’s not the most comfortable thing in the world isn’t really helping the experience. Mitch isn’t all the way hard, but he’s hard enough that his dick is taking up most of the space in Auston’s mouth, and— he’s not really choking on it, but it’s a little harder to breathe. 

For a moment, he panics— he’s not sure what comes next. He’s gotten his dick sucked before, but he’s never taken the time to actually consider the mechanics. What should he do with his tongue? Are his teeth in the way? Does he have to close his mouth and actually  _ suck  _ to make it feel good, or does he just sort of move his head? But just as he’s starting to worry about whether he should move his neck or, like, his torso, he feels Mitch’s dick twitch in his mouth, and that sort of shifts his attitude.

Like, it’s really— it’s encouraging, knowing Mitch is into it. He’s reacting to it already, and that’s just a nice thought, enough that the discomfort starts to slide out of focus. Feeling someone get hard in your mouth is hot. Auston is starting to get why these things are so popular.

He tries leaning forward a bit, taking more of Mitch’s dick into his mouth. It’s a little tricky to keep his teeth out of the way, but the rest of it isn’t that hard to adjust to, now that he’s not thinking about it as much. It feels a little wetter as he moves up, and a little smoother as a result, and Mitch must really like that, because he makes a noise and sort of stumbles back, like he’s overwhelmed. 

“Okay, wait, one sec—” he says, and then he kicks off his pants quickly. He hesitates for a second, then begins to take off his shirt too, and Auston just watches for a second—Mitch’s collarbones may or may not be a thing for him—but then he realizes that Mitch is completely naked, so he should probably take off some clothes too. As he’s unbuttoning his shirt, Mitch sits down on the bed, which means that Auston has to crawl up on the bed, and that— it changes the dynamic of the whole thing, right, because they’re horizontal and semi naked and in a bed now. It feels like more than Auston signed up for.

But Auston’s not gonna back out— he doesn’t want to, he’s pretty sure, and Mitch is still hard. It’s just another adjustment. Another step. Another thing to figure out while not letting on that he’s figuring it out.

He wishes he could relax— Mitch knows it’s his first time doing this and he isn’t being weird about it. He should feel okay taking his time with this stuff. It’s just that there’s all this stuff in his head telling him he has to be  _ good  _ at this that it’s hard to actually figure himself out, and on top of that, he wants Mitch to feel good. But he doesn’t think overthinking is going to help either of them, so he forces his brain to turn off and puts his mouth on Mitch’s dick again.

This angle is a little better— he has more room to work with, and he feels a little more in control. It’s a bit worse for his neck, but he makes it work fine enough. He’s using his off hand to hold Mitch’s dick in place, and he can’t actually use it to help him, but having it there means he’s free to move more easily up and down, which he does. He starts to get into a rhythm with it, focuses more on that than the act itself, and it’s working well enough until Mitch’s hips buck up.

“Sorry, sorry, fuck,” Mitch’s voice says, sounding completely breathless, and Auston—

Auston looks up.

Mitch looks… god, fucking  _ broken.  _ His head is thrown back and his chest is heaving, and the skin of his torso is all red. He’s got his hands twisted in the bedsheets, and his eyes are squeezed shut, like he’s focusing really hard on something. 

Auston’s first instinct is to look away— this isn’t for him to look at, it can’t be. There’s a lot of Mitch on display, this vulnerable side of him that’s experiencing something super personal and really intense— but it’s something that Auston’s doing  _ to him,  _ something they’re doing together, so, actually, maybe he is supposed to look. Does he want to? He thinks so. It’s certainly hard to take his eyes off of it, now that he’s actually trying to— whatever he’s feeling, there’s clearly a lot of it, and he’s wearing that overwhelmed expression like it’s nothing. 

Auston’s almost jealous, except for how he’s not. He’s maybe scared, but maybe also excited, and most certainly wants to make Mitch feel like this some more— it’s the heady feeling of making him cum amped up to a thousand and sliced open, and it’s the most incredible thing Auston’s ever experienced. He’s not sure how this is allowed. He’s not sure how Mitch is allowing it. 

The next time he goes to take more of Mitch’s dick in his mouth, he pays attention— to the way Mitch’s back arches, to the way his grip on the sheets tightens, to the way he groans when Auston moves his tongue a certain way. It’s not easy, per se, and it’s not exactly fun, but it’s—

Auston doesn’t even know. Intoxicating, maybe? Incredible? Like nothing he’s ever experienced during sex before? Mitch is doing so much letting go, and Auston’s just picking up the pieces of it, and it’s taking a lot of his focus— god, he can’t imagine what it must be like to be on the other side of this. Even this much is almost too much for Auston. 

“Fuck,” Mitch says, his voice breathless.

Auston impulsively goes all the way down on Mitch’s cock, which is just as hard as it looks— which is to say, Auston ends up sort of gagging, and Mitch makes a strangled sound and kicks out his leg at an awkward angle.

“Sorry,” Auston says.

“No, it’s— I’m sorry.” Mitch doesn’t open his eyes when he talks. 

“Should I keep going?” 

“Yeah,” Mitch says. “If you want, I mean.”

And Auston  _ does _ want— he wants so much that it almost knocks him over. 

He puts his mouth back on Mitch’s dick, thinks,  _ in, out, in, out,  _ not as fast as it would be if he were using his hand, but with a steadier rhythm than before. Mitch’s dick is hard, and Auston can feel the shape of it, and in the back of his mouth there’s a vague salty taste that Auston’s pretty sure is precum. It’s almost weird or gross, but it’s really neither of those things, it’s just— 

It’s hot. It’s really, really hot.

“Fuck, Aus, I wanna—” Mitch nudges Auston off of him, replacing Auston’s mouth with his own hand, and Auston watches as Mitch jerks himself off, fast and frantic. His dick is shiny, and that’s from Auston’s spit, and that would be absolutely disgusting in most circumstances, but right now, Auston’s into everything Mitch is doing— even if it’s nasty, or embarrassing, or overwhelming. 

“Gonna,” Mitch says, his voice sounding barely there. “Auston, I’m gonna—” 

Auston opens his mouth so Mitch can cum in it. He’s not sure if that’s what he’s supposed to do or supposed to want, but it’s his first instinct, and he’s really trying to not overthink things right now. Mitch’s cum is warm and kind of acidic as it hits the back of Auston’s throat, and Auston swallows it, fulfilling some fantasy he didn’t even realize he had and doesn’t know if he should be ashamed of. Mitch doesn’t seem to find it gross, though, and that probably matters more than whether it is or isn’t.

“Fuck,” Mitch says, sounding entirely out of breath. Auston’s not sure how he’s speaking right now, if he’s being entirely honest. 

“You good?” Auston asks.

“Yeah,” Mitch says, either a beat too early or too late. “Just— whoa.”

Auston doesn’t know what to do with himself, so he just awkwardly waits for Mitch to say something else while he tries to figure out how he feels about the fact that he can taste Mitch’s cum. It’s not actually that bad a taste, just… salty, and strange. 

“Do you need me to,” Mitch gestures in Auston’s direction.

Auston shakes his head. “I’m good,” he says. He’s— like, he’s turned on, but the idea of Mitch touching him right now just feels like too much. 

“Okay,” Mitch says.

Auston moves to lie next to Mitch, but Mitch stays where he is, his now-soft cock resting between his legs, which are still parted and a little red. It makes Auston feel strangely guilty that he’s still got most of his clothing on while Mitch is entirely naked.

“Thanks,” Mitch says, after a beat of awkward silence.

“What for?” Auston asks, even though he could probably guess.

Mitch shrugs. “For… doing that, even though— y’know.” 

Auston waits for him to finish that sentence:  _ even though you’ve never given head before.  _ He knows that it’s ridiculous that he’s embarrassed about that, but that doesn’t stop him from feeling a deep, quiet shame about it anyway.

“Even though I don’t have any fucking idea what I’m doing,” Mitch says, which isn’t the answer Auston is expecting. 

“What?”

“I mean,” Mitch says, “I know we don’t talk about it, but I sort of figured you noticed that I don’t, like. Know much about this stuff.”

Auston wonders if he and Mitch are talking about the same thing, but, like, he doesn’t know what else Mitch could be talking about.

“I really didn’t,” he says honestly. 

“Oh, well, cat’s out of the bag, then,” Mitch says. His voice is weirdly relaxed, even though his words are completely flipping Auston’s perspective on its head. “The things we do, I haven’t— like, I mean, I’ve done  _ stuff,  _ but, like, not like… this, I guess.”

“I— I get it,” Auston says, a little dazed. “Like. It’s sort of the same for me.” He shrugs, trying to play it cool. He’s not sure how successful he is. 

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Mitch gives him a tired smile. “Sounds like we’re well matched, then,” he says, and Auston feels—

Huh.

Butterflies.

Those may or may not be a new development. 

“Guess we are,” Auston agrees, and then—because Mitch deserves it—he musters up the courage to smile back.

**Author's Note:**

> tl;dr: the spiderman pointing meme, but it's auston's insecurities and mitch's insecurities. 
> 
> cw for discussions of things characters did while closeted/references to feelings about being closeted. some confusing and imperfect terminology is used to describe those experiences. also, the plot is centered around the wrist injury that kept auston out of the asg.
> 
> i'm lottswrites on tumblr!


End file.
